Everyone's moving forward
Embracing the future
While I fall backwards
Stuck in the past
I want to be ready
I want to move on
I want to start a new chapter
But I can't
I'm held back by my past
Painful memories
Of isolation
Of loneliness
I thought my heart was saved
The curse finally broken
But I was wrong...
Boy was I wrong.
8 years ago
8 years ago I was deserted
8 years ago
My heart broke
Closed off for months
No one allowed inside
"FRAGILE"
"HANDLE WITH CARE"
Not everyone understood
Not everyone cared
I lashed out
Tears flowed
But soon my heart opened
Everything was okay
There was no more pain
I was no longer lost
7 years my heart be
Why do I fall for the oblivious?
Those who can't tell
Can't see through me
Can't take a hint
You read the letter
You saw me daily
When I was awkward
Like a total dork
It was so hard
Talking to you
Full of anxiety
Topped with hope
I know it's selfish
But even though I know
That you feel the same
I want more
I want you
I want you and me
For you to be with me
For me to be with you
For us to be together
But I don't know
How to make that happen
How to get to that point
How to not ruin it
I don't want to cry
Or get anxious
Or be awkward
Or wimp out
I did that already
We laugh together
We talk together
We smile together
I wouldn't trade tha
I can finally breathe
Found my inner peace
My dark soul fills with joy
While everyone else sleeps
Inspiration sparks my mind
Creativity fills my heart
The moon silences the streets
No cars
No people
No dogs
Just me
My computer
And my mind
and that is whyI find 12 am so fine.
I look ahead.
All I feel is worry
My mind fills with dread
Just want the week to hurry
Must prepare for many events
No time to relax
Keep going until spent
Don’t fall through the cracks
It’s only one week
Only seven days of stress
No reason to freak
Although it’s a mess
I just gotta push throughI mean, there’s nothing else to do
One door closes
Another door opens
Forks in the road
Roads less traveled by
How do I decide
Which path to take?
Which is easier?
Which is harder?
What's too easy?
What's not worth it?
How can I tell?
When will I know?
The clock is ticking
Life doesn't stop
There's still things to do
That need to be done now
But I must prepare
Prepare for the future
Live in the present
Don't forget the past
Keep walking the path
Step into a room of doors
And wait
Wait for them to open
Then choose one
And hope
It takes me
Closer to my dreams
My dreams of success
My dreams of health
My dreams of freedom
My dreams of love
My dreams of happiness
I get it
They're cute
I get it
You have four of them
But..
they still terrify me
Those huge eyes
Their sharp teeth
Their constant urge to jump on you
What's stopping
The inevitable bite?
Nothing!
All I can do
Is remember my mom's advice
Don't approach
Don't pet
Don't approach
Don't pet
Then I don't have any worries.
But they still scare me
Even from afar
They just stare
And growl
And growl
And growl
Until...
They let out a
Great big
Bark.
It's like a lion's roar
A bears warning
Big ones
Little ones
It doesn't always matter
Canines are terrifying
The fog roll in
The sky grows dark
The air feels cold
The clouds fill the sky
Then the rain falls
First a mist
Then a drizzle
Finally, it pours
I know it's coming
I can feel it in the air
I cover my head with my blanket
Make my surroundings louder
But I still hear it
I still hear the rumble
There it is
A flash a light
It fills the glass in my window
I jump out of my skin
Then the BOOM
As it hits the ground
My heart skips a beat
The harder it pours
The bigger the flash
The louder the boom
And it just continues
...Harder
......Bigger
.........Louder
No matter how short the storm
It feels like forever to me
No matter how little it
I don't care if I fit
I don't care if it's normal
I don't care if you're comfortable
I'm not
Not for an hour
Not for a minute
Not for a second
I need my space
I need room to breathe
But you're a yard away
Not a foot
Now six inches
I can't breathe anymore
...inhale...
...exhale...
The walls are too close
And they only get closer
Not too deep
Not too shallow
Not too fast
Not too slow
Elevators
Closets
Planes
Tunnels
They just increase my heartbeat
Boom...boom...
Faster
Boom boom
And it keeps speeding up
Boomboomboom
Until I can't take it
Until I freak
The thought alone haunts me.
Don't cough
Don't sneeze
Don't touch me
Don't even breathe
Not during the season
Of colds
Flues
Or allergies
Keep them away from me
Keep me from the germs
There's only but so much soap
So much hand sanitizer
So much bleach
But how are they not
More terrifying?
They're everywhere
In bathrooms
At parties
On hygienic products
On my mind...
Maybe it's in my head
Maybe it's in my blood
Did it come from my OCD
It doesn't matter
I can't be free
Microbes
Germs
Bacteria
They're all around me
In the air
On the news
In history books
They'll never lose
Until everything
Is sterilized
I can't live freely
With this fear inside
If you could have any superpower
What would it be?
Seems everyone wants to fly
Everyone but me
Flying is terrifying
You go up
And up
Higher
And higher
But it's not the height
Who cares how high I am
Just keep me grounded
I don't want to lift up
Lose the ability to catch myself
And just...
Drop
Drop right out of the sky
Falling
Faster
And Faster
Losing my breath
Barely catch my breath
Just to crash down
Burn
Or just be lost
Never to be found
My heart can't handle it
I don't want to fly
I don't want to die
I'll do whatever it takes
To just stay out of the sky
I'll go on foot
Take a car
A boat
Even a train
But I will never
Ever
Get o